You are not alone
by Addie's Practice
Summary: One-Shot. After her mother's death, Addison gets help from the only person who knows how to handle this mess.


**A/N **This story is based on Private Practice 4x14 on Bizzy's funeral, I really loved the episode but I think there was someone missing, Derek... So I had the idea that things would be differents with Derek there... I hope you like it

I don't own anything. It's all Shonda's

* * *

The black elegant limousine has finally stopped in front of the big mansion of the Montgomery family, the road and the trees surrounding the house were covered with white snow. The doctors from the Oceanside Wellness decided to join their colleague and friend that morning to grieve the loss of her mother; all of them knew she needed her friends in this dark time.

Charlotte, Cooper and Pete were surprised since the moment the limousine picked them up in the airport, but Amelia, Sam and Naomi knew exactly the Montgomery's they were practically their family and they weren't impressed with the luxuries of that this family was used to live.

When they arrived, Addison was the one who opened the door for them, she wasn't being herself, not since her mother died, she was hiding something but the others couldn't notice it. As soon as they walked down the huge house, they looked all the pictures of all the family, practically in everywhere.

They immediately noticed that Addison, Archer and The Captain were trying to hide the grieving behind the alcohol they drank every minute since they were all here together. The loss of Bizzy was something that no one expected and no one could really know how it exactly happened

All of them really worried about all of them, especially for Addison. The Montgomery family went to The Captain's studio with the funeral director to talk about Bizzy's last wishes and to talk about the memorial service.

"Ms. Montgomery left practically everything she had to the multiple foundations she used to support, you could make the donations on her name to the city ballet or the garden club" Henry Stephens, the funeral director informed to them as Addison, Archer and The captain just nodded to what he was saying "She left every single detail planned, as I'm sure you all know she was a very organized woman"

"Okay, is there a reason for me being here? Bizzy left everything ready so we won't do anything" Archer was really tired of listening the attorney, he wanted to left the room

"Our mother is dead! And you're a part of this family! That's a reason enough!" Addison protested on Archer's comment, so he just sat on the couch next to his little sister again

"Please" The captain told his children, so the funeral director could continue "I'm sorry for my children behaviour Mr. Stephens, I'm not really sure if I can find Bizzy's address book, so I don't know who should I call to come to the service" The Captain told Mr. Stephens, starting to get embarrassed because of the way Archer and Addison were acting

"Don't worry about that, Captain. She gathered with me every year to discuss that. I have a list of the people she wanted to be there"

"God forbids the wrong people show up!" Archer made another sarcastic comment but they all just ignored him

"She also wanted a eulogy" Mr. Stephens informed the family, also ignoring Archer's comment

"I'll be more than happy to do that"

"I'm sorry Captain, but she requested someone" Mr. Stephens kept informing to the Montgomery's

"She wanted me to do it, right?" Addison asked Mr. Stephens, she knew that Bizzy wouldn't do that to Archer, she was sure she was gonna be the one she wanted and that would be Bizzy's last torture for her

"Actually Ms. Montgomery, your mother didn't request any of you to do that"

Now all the Montgomery family was confused, their first thought was that she would have been mentioned Susan, but surprisely for the Montgomery's they were all wrong.

"Who wanted her to do the eulogy then?" Archer asked trying to hurry things up and leave that creepy place. Mr. Stephens checked the document in his hand a clearly read what Bizzy told him years ago when she decided to do her will

"Mrs Montgomery wanted her son-in-law to be the one who would do the eulogy during the memorial service… Dr. Derek Shepherd, Addison's husband"

"No, that's impossible. You must be wrong, he's not- Derek and I are divorced… We- we got a divorce few years ago… I can do it you know?" Addison quickly answered

"I'm sorry, Ms. Montgomery but I'm just reading your mother's last wishes, the last time I saw her she was very specific with this request" The funeral director politely answered

"No, you must be wrong, I mean, when was the last time you saw her?" Addison asked hoping the funeral director was wrong

"I saw her a couple months ago and like I told you, she was very specific with that part of the ceremony" The funeral director admitted as Addison took the glass of scotch on her brother's hand and drank in to process that crazy request

"Ha! How's that now? I knew Bizzy would make your life miserable even after her death!" Archer said after hearing this crazy decision Bizzy had taken.

"Kitten, you don't have to tell him to come, if you don't want to" The Captain whispered to his daughter's ear

"As much as I hate to say it, I agree with Archer." Addison started, she never expected something like this "I mean, I know Bizzy loved Derek, she wasn't a person who showed any kind of affection to anyone, but she loved Derek… And this is exactly something she'd do to torture me… I'm sorry but I need to go outside for a minute" Addison stood up and left the room, leaving her brother and her father with the attorney talking about Bizzy's last wishes

"So, why are not staying in the hotel again?" Cooper asked as he was actually freezing in the living room

"Because Archer used the dead mommy card and asked us to stay" Charlotte answered back

"And that really sucks because in hotel have warm blankets, people with warm feelings… Now I get what you say that nothing about this house is normal" Pete included

"Yeah, well, if they want us to stay here we have to… Now let's get the suitcases to the rooms" Sam added, so he took all the suitcases and left the living room with Pete, Cooper and Charlotte.

Amelia and Naomi stayed in the living room, looking at Addison's old pictures, they were admiring one particular where they were all together in med school, Addison, Derek, Sam, Naomi and Archer; looking very young an happy to be having a nice time

"Did you tell him about Bizzy?" Naomi asked Amelia looking at the picture of all of them together

"No, I haven't" She simply answered

"What are you waiting for? Have you seen Addison? She looks broken, and not just broken, she looks creepy. I see her and I see Bizzy talking. She's obviously devastated" Naomi admitted to Amelia trying to keep their conversation down

"Of course I've noticed that since we got here. What does my brother has to do with that?" Amelia asked Naomi as she just gave her a look

"Are you sure you know Addison as well as you think you do? You know if someone can help her to get through this mess is him, he's the only one she'd listen. Plus as I can remember, he always liked Bizzy, I'm sure he'd come if you'd tell him what happened"

But before Amelia could answer to Naomi, they noticed Addison was there too, looking still shocked with Bizzy's crazy choice

"Amelia, I was looking for you" Addison said to the younger woman

"Addie, are you okay? You know that if you wanna talk we're here, right?" Naomi told her, noticing the same creepy look on her face since she told them about Bizzy's death

"Yes, I know… Amelia, I need to ask you a favour, dear" Addison told her which scared Amelia because she was talking just like her dead mother used to, she looked at Naomi in sing to tell her she was right

"Sure, whatever you want"

"I need you to call your brother, apparently Bizzy wanted him to come here for her funeral"

"Seriously? She wanted that? Did you listen to what me and Naomi were talking?" Amelia asked surprised, Naomi couldn't believe it either.

"Look, I have to go back in there" Addison told her two friends pointing at the Captain's studio "Just call him, please" She left and went back to join her family

Amelia just nodded knowing Naomi was right, she was always right, Amelia thought. It was like they would know that Bizzy wanted Derek to be there. She quickly took her phone and dialled Derek's number

"_Amy, you better be calling for something important because you just interrupted my sleep_" Derek said, she could notice he was just waking up

"Just listen to me, you moron, your mother-in-law died yesterday and Addison is a complete mess-" Before Amelia could finish her sentence, Derek started to talk

"_What?_ _Bizzy is dead? That's terrible! Where are you? In Los Angeles?_" He asked now worried, he didn't even bothered to correct that Bizzy wasn't his mother-in-law anymore, he has always appreciated the woman

"No, we're in Connecticut, at the Captain's house. She wanted you here, Bizzy, I mean" She informed to her brother, noticing that he wasn't sounding sleepy like when he picked up the phone.

"_Okay, I'll take the fist plane to Connecticut then… Thanks for telling me, Amy… How is she?_" He asked to his little sister, he couldn't believe the news he just heard

"You're welcome… She needs you Derek" Amelia told him before hanging up

Few hours later that night, after Archer convinced the rest of them to stay at the house using the death of his mother as an excuse, the door bell rang, they were all expecting for Derek, Amelia opened the door and saw her brother, he was wearing a big black jacket to cover the cold of the snow. She quietly hugged him. He was carrying a small suitcase because he has gotten straight from the airport.

In the moment Derek Shepherd walked to the living room, they were all surprised to see them, even though they were now expecting him, the didn't actually thought he would make it to go there.

"Well, is the dumb-ass of my brother-in-law! And my mother's favourite children" Archer greeted him sarcastically, Derek didn't really pay attention to him, he was already used to deal with this family, he did it for eleven years and he could do it for a couple days more

"I'm sorry for your loss Archer" Derek simply answered with a handshake

"Derek, it's been a long time" The Captain greeted him, normally the captain wouldn't like anyone near his daughter, but Derek was the only one he actually liked. At first he wanted to kill him, but after years of being married to his daughter, The Captain started to sympathize Derek

"Captain, I'm so sorry about Bizzy, Amelia called me and told me everything. Immediately I cancelled my surgeries and took the first plane to come here" He admitted to his former father-in-law

"Thank you for coming, no wonder why my wife appreciated you the way she did" The Captain simply said having the usual drink of scotch "You can take a drink if you want to, I guess you remember where we keep things around here" Derek just smiled politely at the Captain as he went to sit down on the sofa in his living room.

Amelia quickly introduced her brother to the other who didn't know him, she introduced him as Addison's former husband, while Naomi and Sam were catching up with him since they haven't seen him in a very long time.

"Derek, how lovely to see you" Addison exclaimed when she went back to the room, she was at the kitchen trying to find more drinks, so she didn't noticed that her ex-husband was there

"Addison" He stood up and stood up next to Addison, he hugged her softly and kissed her cheek "I'm so sorry" He managed to say

"Thank you" She forced a smile, even he could notice that there was something beyond the grieving on Addison's head "You didn't have to bother coming all way from Seattle" She told him

"I did, she wanted me to be here" He answered "And you know how I felt about Bizzy" He continued and she just nodded "How are you dealing with this?" He asked Addison

"Would you like to have a drink?" He ignored Derek's question offering him a drink so she could skip that conversation. He just nodded at her and she gave him the glass of scotch she had in her hand

After few minutes, they were still all together in the living room, talking about Bizzy and the arrangement for the next day

"We're all doctors in this room" The Captain started "How is that you let my wife died right in front of your noses and you did nothing to save her? Clearly your parents wasted the money they inverted paying you the medical school" But no one answered anything, the captain have had too much drinks, plus the pain he felt for the loss of his wife wasn't really helping neither.

"Daddy, she had a heart attack, no one could have noticed it" Addison told her father to make him stop talking, usually she can easily deal with him, but today wasn't a normal day.

"I thought you say an aneurysm" Sam corrected her as everyone else looked confused

"Right, an aneurysm, she died because of an aneurysm" She corrected herself "I'm tired I'll just go to my room to get some rest" Addison left the room

"I guess I should go to talk to her" Naomi said to all of them, Addison obviously needed someone right now, she wouldn't say it but she needed someone telling her that she was gonna be able to survive this mess

"No… I'll go, I know how to deal with Addison" Derek volunteered, clearly that was the reason why he was there, he left the living room too and went to Addison's old room. He wouldn't ever forget about this house, he had spent a lot of Christmases and thanksgivings in there, it was almost impossible for him to forget every detail about that house.

"Hey stranger" Derek greeted Addison again, she didn't really greeted back, she was alone in her room, she faked a smile for him while he was sitting next to her looking at the room.

"I can't believe I'm here with you on this room again" Derek said smiling "Remember that The Captain used to make us sleep in different bedrooms even before we got married? He didn't like me at first" Derek remembered, trying to make Addison feel better but she just nodded

"Yes… Apparently Bizzy did like you" She kept staring the urn in front of her "That's Susan in there, do you remember her?" Derek nodded "I wouldn't want to be cremated, you know? I think I'd donate my body to science"

"Why are you talking about this?"

"It is the only topic on my mind right now" She answered "Do you remember our cadaver in medical school?"

"Mr. Mulligan? The one I named after my math teacher?" He answered with a slight smile

"Yeah, I think I never knew why you named him after him"

"He looked a lot like him. I remember we gave him a memorial service after we finished the year, thanking him his donation to our knowledge"

"Yeah, it was very nice from us, we thanked his sacrifice"

"So, Amelia told me Bizzy wanted me to do the eulogy?"

"Yes, to be honest that's why you're here, because she wanted to"

"I know" He simply answered, they haven't really had a decent conversation since the last time Addison visited Seattle about a year ago. But he was actually glad that Amelia called him because after spending eleven years being part of the Montgomery family he knew that the right thing to do was visit them in this bad moment for all of them. And not only because it was the right thing, he wanted to be there, he wanted to support the family, his family.

"She did this to me, you know? It was her final insult, her final cruelty" Addison confessed to her former husband

"What? Making me come here? You see it as an insult and cruelty?" He asked with a smile in his face

"Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate that you came here, respecting her wishes. But we both know she did it to bother me"

"The way I see it it's completely different… I think she did it because she knew how will it affected you and your family, she knew that I wouldn't be as hurt as you and your family are and most important, she knew I'd do anything for you and she knew I'd be here by your side"

"Probably" She simply answered him

"Did she know about the aneurysm?"

"What?"

"Bizzy… You said she died from an aneurysm"

"Right… I don't really know"

Derek immediately knew Addison was lying, he might be her ex-husband but he still knows her, he knows everything about her and he could know when she wasn't being honest

"Addison, I know you… You don't look okay and it's not because of the grieving, I've been there, I know what it's like to loose a parent... I'm not pushing you to talk to me, I'm not gonna tell you that I'm here to talk to you… Because I know how annoying that is, the truth is that nothing that anyone say to you would help you to get over the pain you must be feeling. Only the time, with the years it'd start to pass and you'd know that life go on… I learned that being a kid…" Derek admitted to Addison, after listening to him she started to cry, with Derek being there, she knew she could let all out, he was probably the only person in there who really knew her, even more than her own family

"She- she… I found her after she…" Addison couldn't finish the sentence, she was hysterically crying like she has never do it before, probably she wouldn't open with anyone, Derek was the only person she needed in that moment and the only person who would understand her

"Shhh… Don't say anything, okay? Just let it out, you need to be strong for tomorrow, but tonight you need to let all out. I'm gonna be right here next to you" Derek told her as she kept crying; he was hugging her in a way he haven't hugged anyone in years. He knew she needed him.

He held Addison on his arms for minutes until she finally stopped crying, he knew how devastated she was.

"You should get some rest Addie, tomorrow is gonna be a really long day for all of us… And apparently I have a eulogy to write… So, I should find Amelia in somewhere of the house because we're sharing a bedroom, which it really sucks"

"Derek, please don't go" She told him, still surrounded by his arms "I don't wanna be alone, not just yet" Addison has finally open her feelings to someone and she was happy that someone was Derek "Stay here with me"

"Addie, I don't think that is-"

"She killed herself Derek. I found her laying on the bed, I did anything to save her, if I'd stay with her all night probably this wouldn't be happening, I was with her and I left her alone…" She stopped, she started to cry again, but she continued "She left a letter telling me that the truth was to embarrassing so I'd have to made something up… I'm trying to pretend I'm fine that she didn't do that, trying to convince myself that my mother didn't do that… But everytime I try to close my eyes I see her in that bed surrounded by the pills she took that night… And I just can't-" Her voice started to break again, Derek tried not to make any facial expression when she heard what really happened to Bizzy.

"There's nothing you could have done, it's not your fault, don't ever think that it is you fault"

"I know, it just feels like it is"

"Thank you for telling me" He decided to say

"You know, you're the only one I could have told something as huge as this" She told him trying to calm herself.

"I'll be here all night next to you; you just try to sleep and if you don't feel good I'm gonna be right here, okay? Just try to rest, Addie"

"Thank you" She forced a smile trying to thank Derek for being there and giving her the support she needed "Derek?" She said now sitting again on her bed

"Yeah?" He asked curiously, he had never seen Addison so broken, but he was glad that she was honest to him, he better than everyone else knows how to be in this house surrounded with her family affects Addison.

"Bizzy wanted to keep it in secret, so when you write the eulogy please try not to mention it"

"Don't worry Addie, I know exactly what I'm gonna say… Now try to get some rest, okay?" She nodded and finally lay down as he just stayed sitting in the other side of the bed with a small notebook and started to write what he was gonna say the next day at Bizzy's memorial service.

The morning after they were all gathered in the chapel sitting and listening to the priest talking. The Montgomery family was sitting in the first line; The captain, Archer, Addison and Derek next to her holding her hand remembering everything would be fine after this.

"_Dear_ _Lord, please take back the soul of Beatrice Forbes Montgomery… Amen_" The priest said clearly to all of them

"Amen" They all answered at the same time, the chapel was full with Bizzy's friends and the friends of the family, since the burial was only for the family and few selected people, they were all there giving Bizzy the last goodbye.

"And now, Bizzy's son-in-law, Derek would say a few words" The priest took a sit as Derek nodded and stood up to start talking.

"Bizzy Forbes Montgomery, even hearing her name you knew the strong and confident woman she was. When I first met her I was really nervous, I was intimidated to meet my future mother-in-law, and who wouldn't? When she first saw me, she told me 'you're now a part of this family and I hope you could deal with that responsibility, dear" Derek stopped for one second as he saw the captain with a sad smile nodding probably remembering that day "During all my marriage I remembered those words and today I'm trying to respect the meaning of it and I know I'd never forget…She used to tell her children that they should never cry in public, that they should deal with their problems in their own homes, they're respecting her words as well, we're all trying to respect Bizzy's wishes. She taught them to never settle for second best, that it wasn't enough to be good at something, they needed to be the number one in everything they did, it was probably the best advice a mother could tell her kids. She was also a generous woman, she supported lot of foundations, she lived for that. I'd say she was one of the bravest person I've known, she wasn't afraid of anything, even death." While he was talking he wasn't really paying attention to anyone, the only person he was looking straight in the eyes was Addison, she was also making aye contact with him, knowing Derek's sincere words, in her eyes he could notice how grateful she was for everything he has done, for the way he's been trying to help her but also he could notice the fear and how afraid she was for everything "She wasn't a selfish woman, she loved her family on her own personal way, she loved her children more than anything, she wasn't perfect, she was an human being who could make mistakes, but I'm sure that every step she took on her life she did it thinking about her family. Dear lord, please give the Montgomery family the support they need for the lost of a wife and a mother. May she rest in peace" Derek looked at the priest making him know his eulogy was over.

After Derek finished, the Captain and Archer could understand why Bizzy chose Derek to talk about her, she made the right choice. Derek got back to take his sit next to Addison and took her hand just like he has done during all the ceremony

"Thank you for saying those words" She whispered, he simply smiled back at her and nodded.

After the memorial service was done, all of them went back at the Montgomery house, Archer, the captain and Addison's friends were drinking in the living room. Addison was outside in the backyard, it was snowing but still she was there sitting in a couch, when Derek saw her he decided to go after her.

"Addie, you're gonna get a cold out here"

"It's okay, I've always like to come here to think… You know, it was a nice eulogy the one you said"

"I just was being honest"

"That's why you said she wasn't scared of anything, right?"

"Yes" He simply answered to Addison

"Derek, I think I've never really thanked you for coming here and being supportive… You know I was lying when I told you that Bizzy's request was the only reason you were here, don't you?"

"You don't have to thank me, Addie, I'd come here anyway. We spent fifteen years together. I still really care about you and your family, we might not be together anymore, but years ago I promised in front of God, in front of our parents that I'd be next to you when you needed me. I made that promise to Bizzy and I really respect it, I'd be here when you need me, you're still my family"

"Thank you"

He hugged her, they weren't a couple anymore, he was now her friend, her family. He was there when she needed someone, he was the only person who knows her enough to help her to get through those days, after that they'd be continue with their normal lives, but she would never forget that Derek did everything he could to make her feel better.


End file.
